Bloggin’ Along

You know you’re from California if:

1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

2. You make over $300,000 and still can’t afford a house.

3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

4. Your child’s 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.

5. You can’t remember . . Is pot illegal?

6. You’ve been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

8. You can’t remember . .. . Is pot illegal?

9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.

12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

13. You can’t remember . .. .is pot illegal?

14. It’s barely sprinkling rain and there’s a report on every news station: “STORM WATCH.”

15 You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.

16. It’s barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????

18. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers and cosmetic surgeons.

19. The Terminator is your Governor.

20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver’s license. If you’re here illegally, they want to give you one.

Have you seen the new Discovery channel (it might be the History channel) show about money? It was so very interesting and informative. Let me give you a quick recap…..

First, did you know that the special paper for US currency is made from blue jeans? Blue jeans manufacturers send all of their denim remnants to the US mint to be processed into paper. You know how jeans last forever…..well, this is why our paper money lasts so long. A bill can be folded up to 4,000 before it will tear.

Something interesting about coins was that the first US coin with a president on it was the Lincoln penny. I automatically thought that it would have been Washington. But, it turns out that Washington did not want his image on a coin, because he felt it would be too closely connected to British coins (who had the King’s image on them) and Washington wanted nothing to do with THAT. But, after his death the US decided to honor ol’ George against his wishes, giving us the dollar and the quarter.

Be sure to check this show out if you are channeling surfing and looking for something different to watch.

Jesus - Why We Celebrate Easter

*In chemistry, He turned water into wine.

*In biology, He was born without the normal conception.

*In physics, He disproved the law of gravity when He
ascended into Heaven.

*In economics, He disproved the law of diminishing return by
feeding 5,000 with two fishes and five loaves of bread.
In medicine, He cured the sick and the blind, without
administering a single dose of drugs.

*In history, He is the beginning and the end.

*In government, He said that He shall be called wonderful
counselor, prince of peace, mighty God.

*In religion, He said that no one comes to the Father except
through Him.

*Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master; had no
degree, yet they called Him Teacher; had no medicines,
yet they called Him Healer.

*He had no armies, yet rulers feared Him.

*He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world.

*He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him.

*He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.

I feel honored to serve such a leader who loves us! Join me and let’s celebrate Him; He is worthy.

Remain in Christ and seek His face always!
AMEN
Have a blessed Easter!

Have you ever felt like you were in the middle of learning something, only you didn’t quite know what it was? Ever heard the saying “Please be patient because God isn’t finished with me yet.”? Well, thats me…I feel like I am at a crossroads in my life, getting ready for something spectacular or maybe I’m getting ready to die. Maybe its the fact that I am approaching first-time grandma-hood. I know I will definitely learn something from that!!!

On second thought, maybe it is just menopause. But, what am I going to learn about THAT? Learn not to buy tampons in BULK?

Stay tuned. I’ll keep you posted.

     Well, it’s finally here! The month I dread…..January. Why do I hate January? Because January is the month of clearance. It’s like everything is old and used. The stores can’t wait to get rid of stuff, people want to clean out their closets and have everything organized. Everything must go! Final clearance! Two for one! And my favorite “90% of all. -—-      Then comes the most horrible part of all…..BATHING  SUITS!!! Most everyone in the country is freezing their butts off in January, but in the retail fashion world it’s summer time! Even though summer is six months away, consumers are supposed to pretend that it is beach weather! All of the pasty white mannequins have been sprayed with fake tans, have streaked fake hair and teeny tiny bathing suits are on their  perfectly proportioned fake bodies. The mannequins even look happy about their fake picnic basket they are taking to their NON-EXISTENT beach party.—–Alright, I will admit it…..I have kind of gone off the deep end here. But, you KNOW what bathing suit season means!!!! And don’t lie and say you don’t want to use a four-letter word. Okay, I’ll be the brave one and say it…..D-I-E-T! That is why I am going wacko here. It happens every year…the month of gluttony followed by the month of January and the reciting of “this will be the year I lose 500 lbs!” mantra,     Oh well, January and the “D” word will soon be gone. And I can hardly wait because you… know… what…comes…next…..

You can search all over the internet and find tons of sites that will tell you ad nauseam about what love is, how it feels, how it doesn’t feel, why it hurts, how to make it and/or how to get it, even how much it would cost(!)
Here is what some seven and eight-year-olds think love is:

• Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.
  
• When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.
  
• Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.
  
• Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.
  

But, my question is “how do you know when it is lust?” Doesn’t lust make you smile EVEN when you are tired? When someone loves you don’t they say your name differently in the throes of LUST? If you were in lust with someone you wouldn’t even care about your dumb French fries. And don’t you still think your partner spouse is still handsome or beautiful even when they are smelly and sweaty?
My favorite answer from a seven-year-old regarding love is this:

• You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.
  

So have I figured out how to tell the difference? Of course not, if I did I would be writing a BOOK about it. And brother, I would be RICH. Because that information would be like holding the Golden Ticket or the Magic Key to something everybody would want to know the answer too! I’ll let you know when I find out.

For those of you who read my blog this summer (when I became “Grandma” to a dog), this is an update…..my daughter has just told me that she and her husband are expecting their first child next July!!!! This makes me a “REAL” grandma or almost one.

My friends (who are already grandmas) have told me that “Grandmas” are all members of a very elite sorority (Gamma Gamma Got Gum) and have invited me to pledge. Since I am still a pledge, I do not have certain member privileges like bragging and showing pictures. I am however, expected to make sensitive and caring comments like “oh, what a cute face, has she always had that funny shaped head?” and “It’s okay, I am sure spit-up won’t stain my new outfit!”. My soon-to-be sorority sisters have informed me that my tactfulness in making comments about grandchildren does need some work. But, I am being considered for membership and that is what counts, right?. 

Have you ever tried to fry an egg on the sidewalk? Just how hot does it have to get to be able to do that? When I was little my crayons would melt at the drop of a hat, I burned my feet running on hot asphalt. All I am asking now is to see an egg fry on the sidewalk.

Needless, to say, this part of Southern California is in the middle of a triple digit heat wave and yes, I am miserable. No one wants to leave their house. So you sit inside with the air on and watch boring TV shows—reruns, game shows, talk shows and the food channel. That is the most dangerous channel to watch. Everything they cook looks good, even if I don’t like what it is. So, I leave the chair and mope into the kitchen and start opening the Magic Door. You know the door to the cold box that you hold open and expect something to yummy to be hidden inside, some people call it the refrigerator.

I am disappointed, everything in there has too many carbs. I settle for a diet Coke.

Weather is always a big topic here. Those of you that have lived in California will know what I am talking about. Whenever it is hot, cold, raining, windy, etc., the newscasters go straight into disaster mode. If it is sprinkling, they will say we are on “storm watch”, the wind blows a bit and we are on the lookout for tornadoes, blah, blah, blah. This weather had better change and FAST, cause I am getting sick and tired of staying in, just so I don’t get heatstroke

            Congratulate me as I have become a Grandma! My daughter and son-in-law just adopted him. He has pretty whitish blonde hair and brown eyes and four legs. Yes—-you read right—four legs! It’s a danged dog! I am a grandma to a dog! At least that’s what my daughter says. I personally am not going to call that animal my “granddog”.

          Well today was visiting day. They brought the dog over and this kid, excuse me dog, definitely needs to be taught some manners. He was running up and down the stairs, jumping on the furniture, under the furniture and stuck his nose in the trash can and tipped it over. He also kept hanging around me and looking for treats! His parents had to talk to him constantly about behaving. I know one thing if he were my kid, I would be spanking his little butt and putting him on restriction……..

          Oh my—-now I’m acting like he’s human! And yes, my daughter has bought clothes for him, the whole thing. I give up. I’m a grandma.

Fourth of July—Do they have Fourth of July in other countries? If you answered I don’t know, think hard about what I am asking.

Fourth of July—The ultimate American holiday where you get a day off from work, spend money, eat food and visit with friends and family. Ya know it IS one of the major eating holidays, along with Christmas, Hanukkah, Thanksgiving, Easter, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, Passover, Memorial Day & Labor Day. Yes, I know that eating is not supposed to be the main focus of these holidays but it is. Americans live for the FOOD. Remember we are a “nation of chow hounds”.

And don’t say “well, there is Valentine’s Day” cause chocolate does not count as food. Yes, I know in PMS land it counts as food, but not in the real world.  And don’t say St. Patrick’s Day is an eating holiday because we all know what the focus on that day is. I have always thought that was strange because St. Patrick was a missionary.

President’s Day doesn’t count either because all we eat there is cherry pie or cakes with cherry decorations or log cabins made out of sugar. I have left out Martin Luther King Day and Veteran’s Day because those are not food holidays. Yes, there are parades—but food is not the main focus.

If I have left out a holiday that centers on food, please let me know because I definitely want to start celebrating them.   

And yes, they have Fourth of July in other countries.